Tag: identity

The Lack of Male Voices in Adoption Land

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Someone on Twitter asked, ‘where are the male adoptee voices?’ I tweeted a few responses. Then I decided to write a blog post about why I think this is true. As a male adoptee voice for the last decade, the number of men that I have met or hear about who are active in the… Continue reading The Lack of Male Voices in Adoption Land

I Renounced my Indian Citizenship to Get a Visa

We are spending Christmas in India this year. It’s time for Sonali to meet Sasmita’s family. But visiting India requires a visa. I’ve received multiple Indian visas in the last 10 years. The process requires many documents but is straightforward. I thought it would be simple this time as well. I could not have been… Continue reading I Renounced my Indian Citizenship to Get a Visa

Even If I Could Find my Birthmother – Fear Prevents Me

For most of my life, I’ve said I am fine without knowing my birth/first mother. That is untrue. The reality is somewhere in the middle. Pondering my roots is not keeping me awake at night, but I do wonder about my beginnings more often than I’ve previously admitted. I am curious to know anything about… Continue reading Even If I Could Find my Birthmother – Fear Prevents Me

I Took a Privilege Walk. Here’s what I Thought.

In early February of 2017, I participated in a ‘Privilege Walk.’ It’s an exercise examining an individual’s levels of privilege or disadvantage. I had finished speaking on an adoption panel and Sue Orban, the panel moderator asked all of us to participate. Each question requires the person to step forward or backward depending on their… Continue reading I Took a Privilege Walk. Here’s what I Thought.

If My Adoption Story is ‘Valuable’ to You, then Pay Me for Telling it.

My wife and I were driving somewhere recently and began talking about Bill and Hillary Clinton’s speaking fees, between $150,00 and $300,000 dollars. Regardless of your politics, I think we can all agree that $300,000 dollars to speak is outrageous. There probably is not a single one of you who wouldn’t take even half that amount… Continue reading If My Adoption Story is ‘Valuable’ to You, then Pay Me for Telling it.

Who is a ‘Real’ Indian?

Since Narendra Modi became India’s Prime Minister in May 2015, the definition of a ‘true’ Indian is a hot topic. However, for me, people have always questioned my India bona-fides. Let me explain. As an adoptee, raised without Indian culture on a daily basis, cultural Indians in the United States were always unsure how I fit into… Continue reading Who is a ‘Real’ Indian?

‘Meet the Patels’ Dismissed India’s Complexion Shaming. That’s Unfortunate.

Sasmita and I watched the funny and sweet documentary, ‘Meet the Patels.’ But I did have one major issue with the film. It’s mockery of India’s complexion biases. It’s a heart-warming tale about a 30-year-old Indian guy. His name is Ravi Patel and his quest (really his parents wish, but he acquiesces) to find an… Continue reading ‘Meet the Patels’ Dismissed India’s Complexion Shaming. That’s Unfortunate.

Babies and Language; a Personal Story

Recently my mother and I had a conversation about infant children and language. She was excited to see that her youngest grandson, barely one-year-old, recognized her voice. She recently returned from a trip to visit my brother’s family in Denver, Colorado and was ‘Skyping’ with them. It was remarkable to her, she said, how much his… Continue reading Babies and Language; a Personal Story

Facing Fatherhood as an Adoptee

Sasmita and I will be parents in early June of 2016! We are excited, but not ready to be parents. Then again, who is? We told my parents during Thanksgiving and called her folks in India, via Skype shortly afterwards, sharing our happy news across the globe. As I contemplate Fatherhood, thoughts of my own… Continue reading Facing Fatherhood as an Adoptee

Feeling like an Outsider at an Indian Buffet

Recently, Sasmita and I went to an Indian restaurant called Woodlands, in Langley Park, Maryland. We rarely eat Indian food outside of our house. Sasmita is a fantastic cook, and she makes most dishes either of us might order out, usually they taste better than any restaurant. She has craved South Indian cuisine for a while;… Continue reading Feeling like an Outsider at an Indian Buffet

We babysat a white girl for a weekend. Everyone thought we adopted her.

The little girl’s name was Lily. Sasmita formerly nannied for the family and they asked us if we could watch her one weekend this past January at their D.C. house. That Saturday we went to a trendy place a few blocks from their house called Union Market. It has a few restaurants and some specialty food stores, but it’s popular for its delicious… Continue reading We babysat a white girl for a weekend. Everyone thought we adopted her.

A Small Thank You to my Parents this Thanksgiving 2014

For those unaware, this is National Adoption Awareness Month. There has been a lot of social media about this, some good pieces in well-known magazines, like the NY Times and elsewhere. National Adoption Month, was created to raise awareness and celebrate foster care adoption. In recent years it has been co-opted by the Adoption lobby and by those… Continue reading A Small Thank You to my Parents this Thanksgiving 2014

We’re going back to India – to marry again.

Sasmita and I are traveling to Odisha, her birth state, in Eastern India, from late May to mid-June 2014. The reason: to be married in a Catholic Mass about 30 minutes away from the village Alligonda where she grew up. None of her family attended our August 2012 wedding in New Jersey. The plan has always been to return… Continue reading We’re going back to India – to marry again.