An Indian Adoptee Reclaims His Voice in the Desi Diaspora
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Tag: #adopteevoices

Adoptions Cost Money. That Is Not a Scandal.

May 28, 2020
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Recently the New York Times published this article titled ‘ What I Spent to Adopt My Child: What 3 Couples Paid to Adopt.’ I thought the title about adoption fees was unnecessary.

Adoption, whether domestic or international requires money. Many adoptees are sensitive about discussing money and their adoption. The title seems inappropriate to me.

The main issues this article identifies could have easily been discussed with an alternative title.

I know some adoptees feel they were commodities in their adoptions. A title like this does not alleviate those concerns.

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The Lack of Male Voices in Adoption Land

December 21, 2019
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Someone on Twitter asked, ‘where are the male adoptee voices?’ I tweeted a few responses. Then I decided to write a blog post about why I think this is true.

As a male adoptee voice for the last decade, the number of men that I have met or hear about who are active in the space is tiny. This includes both adoptees and adoptive fathers.

Here are some reasons why;

  • Women dominate the entire adoption industry. The heads of adoption agencies, the leaders of adoptive parent groups, the social workers, the academics studying adoption, the adoptee-led support groups, the adoptee bloggers, the list continues. Women lead most adoption groups.
  • Adoption language targets women, birthmothers, adoptive mothers, etc. There is rarely a mention of biological fathers and minuscule focus on male adoptees. Furthermore, adoptive dads are not typically blogging about their family experiences.
  • Though adoption is marketed and discussed as a family issue, it is mostly a women’s issue. Father’s are part of the story and may have huge impacts, but one sees them mostly posing in family pictures. They are rarely part of the adoption narrative. Sadly, I feel they are usually ornaments, conveying stability and safety in their families.
  • Male adoptees are not raised to discuss and explore their feelings. Historically men have no outlet to unpack their complicated emotions because vulnerability is perceived as weak.
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